Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Dear Body

To My Loyal and Gracious Body, 

From this moment forward, I vow to take care of you, so that you can take care of me. I will feed you with organic, nutritious, local foods, treat you with compassion and affirmations, and water you religiouslyI will listen to you more, to understand your needs and wants, so that we may feel healthier and energetic. I will read labels, protecting you from ingredients that agitate you, and nourish not only you physically, but spiritually.

When I do put energy in you, I will focus on the act of eating, instead of multi-tasking, or distracting my thoughts on my phone, or TV. I will eat until I am full, not eat to empty my plate, or because it "looks so good!" I will bless our food with affirmations and good thoughts. I will chew my food mindfully, and vary my diet.

Instead of Perfectionist Self-talk, I will speak to you from Healthy Striving Self-talk, accepting my imperfections and loving you just the way you are. I will not blame you, or speak to you with critical words. Even when my skin gets old and wrinkly, and my joints do not function like they used to, I will embrace you and our old age. The only opinion that matters about you, is my opinion.

I will rejoice in my abilities of being able-bodied. Thank you for your strength and stamina to run races, do yoga, take a dance class, to sweat! Thank you for helping me to climb mountains, swim in oceans, feel warmth from the sun, hear birds in the wild, see the the beauty of Mother Earth, and to pick up and squeeze my niece and nephew with a loving heart. I will not take any of this for granted. Thank you.

I promise to surround myself with positive energy, like-minded individuals, and non-toxic environments. I will remove myself from situations that only create havoc on us. I will meditate to fill your spirit with peace, awareness, and joy. I will set an intention everyday, such as to work with ease, find my happy in the day, or to rest. I will be present. I will be mindful and aware of your emotions. On days where I feel sad, angry, and/or tired, I will respect those emotions and not hold them in to grow inside, but rather, let them out so that my soul can heal. I will forgive myself when I find I have slipped up, or at fault. I will not do things to satisfy others, or to fit the mold, but instead, do things I genuinely want to do, with love. I will laugh more, cry more, sing more, scream more, smile more.

From this moment on, I know in my heart that you are doing your best for me, and that my decisions reflect your abilities. We are a team. You and I, to the end.

Your biggest fan,


I wrote this letter to myself, after reading this one on Elephant Journal. I took some of her words because I loved them so much.

A Total Transformation - 14 Day Detox


7.2 kilo. 15.8 lbs... let's just round up here and say 16, yeah? All from my intestines... mostly. All 12 of my enemas were a success, meaning disgusting stuff came out. I estimated that each enema was about 1-2lbs of mucous and mucoid plaque. I also had a colon cleanse. More crap down the tube. And a liver flush, where I passed about 10 gallstones. Do the math people! That weight was mostly from my gut, and now I have a much flatter tummy! YEAH ME!
Before and After

However, I wasn't here for weight loss. I was here to heal my gut, and I'm happy to say that I have. But, in a previous blog, I mentioned that two things happened, and I only told you about the one, the High Priestess. The other was an appointment with a man, Dr. Adolf Brown, D.C. He does Holistic Chiropractic, Applied Kinesiology, CranioSacral Therapy, and Nutritional Consulting. I went for the kinesiology.

Applied Kinesiology is a diagnostic system based on muscle testing that can provide information about musculoskeletal pain, digestive problems, immune deficiencies, infections, nutritional status, food allergies, the acupuncture meridian system and much more. By accessing the body's intuition, AK can find the root cause of the chronic health conditions.

I wanted to know about food allergies. Before I left to Bali, I was told I was allergic to eggs, peanuts, tree-nuts, and yeast. All things I ate every day for five plus years. Adolf put me on the table, and had my arm up, resisting the weight he pushed on it, while also touching other parts of the bodies. Peanuts and dairy. That was it. The thing is, it didn't really feel real. I remember thinking "What is this man doing? Making stuff up as he goes along?" However, he noticed when he was testing different systems, that my immune system was weak. So he asked me about antibiotics as a child. I had ear infections almost every month after I was born. I was on antibiotics for the entire first year of my life. I also took them growing up because of strep throat, which I probably had a good 8-10 times. Today, we know that antibiotics kill our bacterial flora in our gut, making it an environment for candida to grow. Too much candida creates problems, even autoimmune diseases. We started to talk about other issues that have been consisted throughout my life. Bloating, gas, sugar cravings, diarrhea, depression, anxiety, food allergies, IBS, acne, hives, hair loss, itchy skin, iron deficiency, dizziness, sinusitis, insomnia, brain fog, hyper irritability, bad memory, PMS, yeast infections..... All symptoms of a Candida overgrowth.

Adolf thinks I've had too much candida my entire life. Which is a HUGE statement to say, because it would explain the mass amounts of problems I have struggled through growing up until now. I took this information back to the retreat, talked to the hosts, and found a quiz in a book to assess if I might have it. Anything over 180 would be a candidate for possible candida overgrowth. I scored 317. Enough said.

So what does this all mean? Candida diet. I'm now officially going to be that girl who sounds like this: "Where did this chicken from from?" - "Is their added sugar?" - "Hold the cashews!" - "What kind of oil was used to make this dish?" - "I'll have a glass of wine...just kidding" - "Corn, no thanks" - "I brought my own mayo and ketchup... no need to bring that to the table" - "Hold the bacon.... yes, that's what i said, NO BACON!" *Sigh I might as well move to Portland.

Here's somewhat of a breakdown of what I can and cannot eat.

Adolf told me to be strict for a good month; very low sugar, very low carbs, no yeast/wheat/gluten. After a month I can slowly bring in some sugar and carbs. Then over a few months, slowly bring in more foods, and test after six months. I have been detoxing for two weeks, but just now guzzled a smoothie that was so purple from fruit yumminess (a no-no in the Candida diet) that I might actually pee purple. The thing is, some people say, "Be super strict." Others say, "Candida will hide in the gut if it's not being fed, so feed it a little, and kill it with herbs", which I take everyday. I have candida cook books on their way to my front door, so that I can put my chef hat on right away, and nourish my body for what it needs now, not what it wants now.

Most doctors in the USA don't even think about Candida overgrowth. I am taking an official test when I get back to the states with Dr. Margie Ikeda, to see if this is all legit inside of me, but my gut says it is, quite literally. If you suspect you might have it, I urge you to look into it further. Google Candida Symptoms, and see if they make sense to you. Find a naturopathic doctor who will take blood, or stool, to test you. A quick home test: When you get up in the morning, fill a glass with water, spit in it. If your spit doesn't sink, don't worry about any of this, but if it sinks and has kind of like stringy looking stuff as it goes down, go see a specialist. Your health is everything.

My first food after a 14 day cleanse!
Today we had our first bite of something. Papaya. It helps to wake up our digestive system. A person asked "Are you going to go out and have a big dinner when you are done? I bet you can't wait to have something sugary, a dessert." The answer: No! For one, I get full just from a smoothie right now, which also taste super sweet to me. If I went out and had a full plate, I would vomit. And two, I don't plan on ever going back to the diet I used to have; high sugar, very little nutrition, on the run, etc. Yes, I will indulge in some sugar, like 88% dark chocolate, or raw chocolate, or maybe even one of my amazing dairy free chocolate chip cookies. Yes, I probably will slip up from time to time. No one is perfect. I am going to take care of this vessel the best that I can. Making lifestyle changes is hard, but doable. This retreat was the best gift I have ever given myself. I urge anyone who struggles with digestion problems, to seek out a retreat that is at least 7-14 days of detox, using bentonite clay and psyllium husk in their detox shakes. Food Matters has a list of detox centers around the world.

Good luck friends and remember: You are what you eat. If you feel sluggish, then stop eating food that makes you sluggish. If you feel sick, stop eating food that makes you sick. VARY YOUR DIET! Chew your food! Be mindful. Rest. Play. And always, "Thoughts become things, choose the good ones." The Universe.

Lola and Becky, aka Life Savers
Becky and Lola The hosts - Thank you ladies! You have helped me transform my life! xxoo

Saturday, February 7, 2015

High Priestess Ida Panditha Mpu Budha Maharsi Alit Parama Daksa

As much as I blog, and try and share this experience, there is really no way to explain what we are actually doing here. This journey has been an emotional, physical, and mental awakening. Yesterday was deep. Like, deep deep. Two thing happened, but today we will just focus on the first. Have any of you ever heard of the only High Priestess in Bali? No? Want to hear an incredible story? Get yourself some tea and a snack (preferably no sugar, non processed, organic snack), sit down, and read on. If you want the short version, scroll down past the big version.

Copied directly from her about on facebook (YEP, this girls on Facebook!

Ida Panditha Mpu Budha Maharsi Alit Parama Daksa Known as: "Ida Resi Alit."

On March 13th, 2007 a legend was born. A village girl of 21 years old was ordained as – not just the only, but the youngest – female High Priestess of Hindu Dharma, the traditional religion on the deeply spiritual island of Bali, Indonesia. On the day of her rebirth, this village girl became known as Ida Panditha Mpu Budha Maharesi Alit Parama Daksa, or simply "Ida Resi Alit". 
Historically, she was born on March 14th, 1986 to a modest Balinese family. Comprised of farming families surrounded by pastoral rice fields, their remote village is situated in the middle of the island. Her given name at that time was: "I Komang Wediantari." 
Like many other village girls just graduating from high school, she left her home near Gianyar in 2006 to seek a job in economics, her major in school. She landed on exotic Bintan Island off the coast of Singapore, known for its commerce, in hopes of finding a job that paid well; well enough to help support her family back home.
But she would soon discover that The Divine had a different plan for her. In her honest search for employment, all doors closed to her and she could not find work – not a single interview. After several months of disappointment she was forced to return home to Bali in November of 2006. 
Upon arrival in her village, I Komang Wediantari fell into a depression she could not overcome. Her kindly grandfather, the village priest Mangku Bawe, saw her distress and grew increasingly concerned about her health and well being. He began to gently instruct her in chakra meditation and yoga. These disciplines struck a deep chord within her and became her springboard to a spiritual awakening. 
With this awakening, The Divine reached out to her and a direct connection was opened wide, welcoming her into The Divine Fellowship Circle. She was summoned to become a conduit to The Divine in order to spread an important message to the world, and she heeded the call. 
Thus this young girl, who had neither an interest in spiritual matters nor previous religious training, began to have frequent out-of-body and near death experiences, understandably shocking those around her. It was during an encounter with one of these near death states that she received her Divine Instruction and was told of her preordained path. 
From that time, she displayed exceptional skill in pewedaan (speaking the mantras in Sanskrit and other ancient languages), mudras (the sacred hand movements), and further complex religious rites, including tantric dancing and chanting. She was suddenly so accomplished in these ancient spiritual arts that the High Priests were called to see for themselves her many gifts.
Eventually in February 2007, near Ubud, Bali, she found a Nabe, a High Priest designated as a Master Teacher, who was willing to recommend her to be ordained as a High Priestess. After a painstaking process of spiritual examination and rigorous physical tests by The National Board of Ordination of The Hindu Dharma Association, her ordination was finally approved and she was awarded the title of High Priestess of Hindu Dharma.
So, truly a legend was born. At the age of 21, without formal study or training, I Komang Wediantari was directly instructed by The Divine, she needed only 21 days practicing intense meditations and the noetic process (self knowing or interior knowledge) to master the stringent requirements for her ordination. The arduous procedure to become a High Hindu Priest or Priestess generally takes up to three years or more and requires extreme training under the guidance of a Master Teacher.
The position of High Priest or Priestess is traditionally bestowed upon those more mature in age and with greater empirical experience and demonstrated wisdom. Additionally, this high place in the religious hierarchy is dominated by men and few women are able to achieve equal standing. Passing through these fires of spiritual commitment and exactitude, Ida Resi Alit was born.
In a monumental decision of historic significance, the board of The Hindu Dharma Association took only 20 minutes to ordain Ida Resi Alit. Now they fully realized who had been sent to them.
Maharesi Alit is fulfilling her destiny of spiritual healing and cleansing. She currently presides over many of the profound religious ceremonies throughout the beloved island of Bali and is revered for her sacred wisdom, knowledge and blessings.
Short version. 19 year old girl is looking for work, but can't even get an interview. She gets depressed about her situation. Her uncle is worried so he teaches her meditation and yoga. In her meditation, she kept hearing, in her language, "The Healer". She told her uncle, who told her to ignore it, because she's a girl, blah blah blah. Then while meditating she died, and from what I heard around here, for five hours had no breath. They prayed, "What do we do? How can we bring her back?" The answer they got was to allow her to be a Healer. They agreed and she woke up. After awakening she knew all the rituals, languages, etc, that she needed to know, without ever taking one lesson. This takes priests years to learn. From the moment she wakes up, to the moment she goes to sleep, she's in constant servitude. She cannot get married or have children, which was hard for her, but she made the decision to listen to this calling. Crazy story!

Why am I telling you this? Because I went to her temple, had a water purification ceremony preformed on me, and got to meet her.

We arrived at the temple and waited for the ceremony of "letting go" to begin. After waiting for about 30 minutes, this small, young, Indonesian girl came around the corner. She wore a beautiful silk blouse with crocheted patterns on the bottoms of her sleeves and back, a green skirt, and a yellow sash at her waist. I didn't realize that this was the High Priestess I was looking at. She was just so small, and young! The High Priestess nodded her head at us, and then walked up to a high platform to bless the water. Out of respect, we had to wear clothes with our shoulders covered, a sarong to cover our legs, and a sash around the waist. We all sat on our meditation pillows and closed our eyes. She sang for a good 45 minutes, blessing the water, lighting candles, throwing water, and praying to all the Gods. I peeked of course, to see all of this. It was a long 45 minutes to sit straight, but it was beautiful. We were paired up before we got there. I was with a cool Australian girl, Jacqui, and we were 3rd to go. When the first pair went up, I had already started to cry. It's such an emotional and beautiful ceremony to witness. She sits up high on a platform, with her blessed water, and guides us with her perfect English. When it was mine and Jacqui's turn, she advised us to let go of anything that was holding us back or not servicing us anymore, while pouring water on our heads. She encouraged us to not hold onto our tears. I'm pretty sure she was talking directly to me, as I had that huge lump in my throat, trying so hard not to just wail. She wasn't having any of that. She put her hand on my head, and said "let it out!!" and so.... I did. I cried and cried, and stomped my feet (which she told me to do too). Becky was there to, and she held my back, so that I didn't stomp myself into a circle. Our eyes are closed the entire time, as water is just pouring over you, cleaning out the bad. The water was cold, refreshing, but it was in bucket fulls. It was hard to breath at times.

When everyone had gone, Monique, Jenni, and I, all went again. We still felt that we were holding onto things, so we went a second time. We stomped, shook our arms, some yelled. I felt that lump in my throat still, so I cried and cried, and then... it was gone. I could feel my heart opening up to the sky. My arms went back and it felt like I was opening my heart to let love in, and also showing the world that I'm ready to love fully. Didn't I say this was deep? I wasn't lying. 

After the ceremony, we went to another mediation area and sat to meditate with the High Priestess. She touched us, sang, guided us. To be honest, I couldn't really meditate. I was too tired, and ... well hungry, duh!

I got a picture with her and we said our goodbyes. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Day 5-7 of detoxing

the after 30 part....

Posted: 03 Feb 2015 12:43 AM PST
Day seven. Half way point. The last two days were my hardest. I awoke on day five exhausted with a rash on my chest, a 14 year old face of acne, along with my chest and back, and two canker sores. I haven't had a canker sore since college (2001), when I used to get them during finals week, aka stress week. I was also nauseous yesterday morning and a bit homesick. Being away from everyone during Super Bowl was a bit hard for me. Super Bowl is like a holiday, and I felt like I was missing out. I was feeling so ill that I just laid on the couch and watched NFL updates on my phone, and read family texts coming in about the game. Later Lola asked how I was doing and I just broke down crying...not my finest moment, but understandable, I have no food in me!!! I had skipped my morning enema that morning, and she said "Ya know, I bet you anything, during tonight's enema you will have a big release because of these emotions." She was right. I let out mucoid plaque for the first time. Gross, slimy, green, long rope. It was so disgusting yet so satisfying. It felt like an adrenaline rush. I had a lot of energy afterwards, even danced in the shower.

Today I feel amazing, lots of energy and a good mood, but a gross taste in my mouth that won't go away. I brush my teeth about four times a day. Toxins are coming out through my skin and gums. My enema this morning was just as big as last night. I seriously wish I could weigh this stuff, because I'm betting that at least five to seven pounds has come out of me in just four enemas. It's rather disgusting to look at and smell, but really interesting!! I'm so glad I'm getting all that sh*t out!

Two days ago I had a one on one session with Lola about nutrition. I used to think that I ate somewhat healthy, but after going over my diet, Lola pointed that I'm really not getting enough nutrients. Wasa bread? There is nothing in that, and I was eating it everyday with "kind of" unprocessed Turkey. She gave me some great pointers, and showed me some awesome cook books. Guess this means I'm going to start cooking now on a regular basis. She also taught a nutritional workshop yesterday. It has been such an amazing learning experience here. Not just about my diet, but about what we NEED to be putting into our bodies, and what we should run away from. We go have sushi at a sushi place, but do we know where that sushi came from? Is it 1,000 miles away, or 50 miles away? Depending on that answer, could mean a parasite or two.

As a runner, I learned that I'm not even getting half of the amount of protein I need in a day. Her rule of thumb is 1gram of protein for every kilogram you weigh. That's about 63 grams of protein a day for me. (Use google to convert your weight in lbs to kg and you have your daily protein goal.) Most people think of meat when protein comes up, which is a complete protein. If you are only eating meat as your source of protein, that's probably not the best route, because meat is acidic and too much of it can cause cancer. You can make a complete protein with two incomplete proteins, which allows us to get the protein we need without eating so much meat. Grains & Legumes can make a complete protein, for example, tofu with vegetables, rice with lentils, pasta and chickpeas, dahl and rice. Nuts & seeds with legumes are another example of making a complete protein, such as, chickpeas and hummus, tofu and sesame.

How food digests in our body was another topic she addressed. Eating a steak right before dinner is not going to make your stomach feel nice in the morning. Your digestive system just can't handle all that meat. People who are doing enemas here, will find pieces of steak in their enema, like the same size piece that they put in their mouth (and apparently thought they chewed, but didn't!) Nothing happened to it, because your digestive system is saying "Woa!! This is too hard! Stop eating a half rack in one sitting!" She also suggests that a few days a week going completely vegetarian. My goal:
fish 3x's a week, chicken 1x a week, eggs 1x a week, red meat 1x a week, and vegetarian 1x a week.

Lola couldn't stress enough that you need to vary your diet. Too much of anything can be a bad thing, that includes healthy foods. I wrote about this in my past blog, but my diet is usually the same everyday. Hence the reason I am allergic to all my favorite foods. This is NOT permanent though, especially after this detox. I plan on having my blood tested again to analyze the difference.

Let's see. What else. There has been so much learning and activities! Yoga, sauna and cold baths (shock the system), group meditation, sun bathing, swimming, documentaries, and massages. This morning we went on a bike ride at six in the morning. The streets get busy about 7:30am, so we were trying to avoid the traffic by starting so early. The people here in Bali don't drive too fast, but they drive out of the lines, and kind of crazy, passing people, super close to other drivers, etc. The lanes are also tiny in some areas, mostly for the scooters, but cars will be on there taking up the entire road. In a way, it's kind of beautiful, like a dance, but I'm sure some people get their toes stepped on. Anyway, the bike ride was sooo stunning. Just beautiful. We saw 5-6 guys (14-16 year olds) butt naked bathing in a creek, and well.. having a good time! They were laughing loud, and splashing water at each other. It was quiet foreign actually. Not even two minutes later we passed a woman holding her sarong up and squatting to either pee or poop in another creek (or maybe the same one?) I saw an elderly woman blessing her home. They bless their home three times a week, and hand make baskets with offerings to the Gods. Most of the offerings are the most they can afford, like flowers, and crackers. (See picture below). Rice paddies, mountains in the distance, markets, temples, school kids in their uniforms, stray dogs, green, green, green. It was a lovely morning.

Our workshop today was on Conscious Cleaning, meaning what we believe will become true. We can have 10 people look at an illusion, and all have different experiences. That's because all of us are different, with different back grounds, and different beliefs. We cannot see the world as it is. We can only see the world as we are, meaning we can only see the world the way we know how from our beliefs and experiences. Our bodies are incredible when it comes to belief. Our cells have memory. For example, if we think of an experience 10 years ago that we felt a lot of shame from, and as we think about that situation or event happening, our bodies will start feeling that shame all over again. Why does it do that? Because our cells remember that feeling and thinks we are having a shameful experience right now!! Not ten years ago. Some documentaries she suggested to watch are "What the Bleep Do We Know", or "Placebo: Mind Over Medicine" (spendy one, hard to find, but maybe used on amazon?)

I'll leave you with one thought to ponder. Have you ever heard of Dr. Masaru Emoto "Water, Consciousness, and Intent"? (Youtube it). In a not-so-detailed synopsis. He took water, and put some in one jar and the rest in another. The first jar he said the most loving things to it, and thought of memories of loving times, and shared his joy with the water. The second jar, he would tell hateful things to it, negative memories, and angry words. He then took some of the water out of each jar, and put it under a microscope. The water he loved, was gorgeous, symmetrical, full of color, radiating joy. The water he was negative too, had no symmetry and looked like vomit. Becky, the host, pointed out that WE ARE 80% WATER! What are we telling ourselves! Our inner critic is our worst critic. Start loving yourself, have compassion for others, and believe that good things will happen. Thoughts become things folks, choose the good ones!

These kind of offerings are everywhere, sidewalks, outside homes, in homes, in cars, EVERYWHERE!
Sunrise with Bali mountains
A temple
Behind me a mediation cave that was carved out in the 12th century. I can't remember the man who carved it out, but legend says he did it with his finger nails, which is why you sometimes see Indonesians have one or two long finger nails, that and for Balinese Dancing.