Heard on the Wind

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Last year I posted the Heard on the Wind from the The Skagway Newspaper.  I haven't been posting them this summer because I have been waaay too busy, but today I am home sick and have a lot of free time.  I hope you giggle cause some of these are soooo funny!

Heard on the Wind
The Skagway News
June 24, 2011 Vo. XXXIV, No. 11

After a bus driver stopped on the Klondike to let his riders look at a bear on the side of the road, one woman got up and tried to get out the door.  The diver would not let her out, but the woman kept trying, so the driver got up and blocked her from the doorway.  The woman was told bears can be dangerous.  She then asked why the tour drivers don't tranquilize them so people like her can go up and pet them
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Why do so many things advertise British Columbia, Alaska and Yukon?  Aren't they all the same thing?"
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A 60-something New Zealander sitting at a bar said it was his dad's wish to come to Alaska, so they came.  he said his dad is 88 and "starting to lose it."  A local sitting beside the man asked, "Where is he?"  
"I don't know where he is, and neither does he."
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"How do the cruise ships get out of here?" (hahahahhahaha soooooooooooo stupid!)
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A visitor asked the whereabouts of the "Coptic Church" she has been told was in Skagway.  She was disappointed when told one of the churches in town had been nicknamed "the cop's church," and that there were no Egyptian Monophysites in Skagway.  (um.... okay???)
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A crew member's husband asked a local if he could ring her doorbell so he could hear how an Alaskan doorbell sounds.  He was disappointed that it sounded like a regular one.  
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A little boy and girl were in a shop.  The girl was asked, "Are you a princess?"  
The boy replied, "No, she's Canadian."
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"What's the altitude/elevation here?"
"Well, we're at sea level here in town."
"Yeah, but sea level here isn't the same as sea level where I'm from." 
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"That's not the real train!" someone said in reference to the train leaving the ore dock.
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, mine is the real one and went to the dock by the way of the cliff over there."
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A tourist walks up to the railroad ticket counter:  "I just read in the bathroom that this is the most scenic railroad in the world."
Agent: "Well, in my experience, bathroom walls are never wrong."
Another tourist inquires about train availability.  The agent replies, "We've got plenty of space today."
Tourist:  "For my wallet or for my ass?"
Agent: "Both."
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I'll try to do this every two weeks... silly tourists.  It's like vacation means they have no brain.

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